A lot of people have really stupid tattoos. Tattoos can be cool, but most people only solicit their own horrible taste when they try to express themselves through ink. Therefore, I have designed a number of tattoos for you, so now you can get some art on your skin and know it's cool. I've even been so generous as to add "Bullshit symbolism" to each tattoo, because tattoos have to be deep, like reading "Mother Ocean" in Japanese. Or a butterfly to express rebirth and maturity. Those have been done though, so here's fresh ideas that you have my permission to use. Enjoy or die.
"Cat Game" Bullshit symbolism-This tattoo is a message of peace in a time of war. While X's and O's collide in the heat of combat, they create a balance of yin and yang and cancel each other out before anybody gets hurt. This is your ideal world, and by wearing this for the rest of you life you can show others that there is hope for mankind because you paid an over-weight ex-biker $60 to play tic-tac-toe on your back.
"Baby Seal and Apple" Bullshit sybolism-This tattoo tells a fucking story. Before you show it to anyone, tell them to start at the bottom right and move up slowly to the top left. They think it's a friendly, green worm coming out of an apple, as they may see on a children's tv show or complimentary bookmark. As they progress, they will notice the worm is abnormally large and eventually discover it is infact a snake slowly eating a baby seal while the seal cries. Tell them that the seal represents youth and the apple represents completion, while the snake is the painful bridge of reincarnation growing from your wholeness just long enough to brutally remove your childhood and prepare you for enlightenment.
"Dueling Penises" Bullshit symbolism-Pefect for the man who wants the world to know he's a competitive cock. You're a go-getter, and even in the face of other cocks you persevere. Whether it be a metaphor for how you handle your business or how you handle your social life, this is a sure hit. It even applies to you new agers who have turned enlightment into a contest! Have you read dozens of self help books designed to help middle aged women through menopause? Have you fallen under the delusion there is a collective conscience and that it cares more about your dreadlocks than my bitter ass? You win! This tattoo is for the aggressive cock in all of us. Especially you.
"Passed Out Hooker with Chest Acne" Bullshit symbolism-No one is more of a slave to the system than somebody who just got paid $40 to be porked hard in every oriface and left to overdose in a Motel 6 bathroom. Anybody that has a tattoo of a barcode to demonstrate their feelings of submitting to a vast and powerful world can have it easily undone by paying a tattoo artist to follow these steps:
Now you're ready for a true display of posession. The passed out hooker with chest acne is also a perfect expression for anyone who feels they need a negative, motivational icon for self control. If you get her tattooed on your drinking arm, you can look at her with every shot and keep her bleak existence in mind to either make you feel better about yourself or scare yourself into mormonism. Either way, this tattoo is garunteed to make you appear incredibly deep.
"Endless Rampage" Bullshit symbolism-None. When I retire and go on my everlasting vendetta, flashing this to me will grant you diplomatic immunity to both my lasers and my spikes. Unless I think it's a fake or something. Then you're still fucked.