Analytical Dissections of the Critically Malnourished
This weeks review: A Wedding I Didn't Go To
This is going to be a tough one to critique. I mean, this picture says it all. The picture just screams, "We suck, you know it, this wedding was bullshit and won't last." Who tries to look that cool in their wedding picture? They've been married like five minutes and they've already turned their backs to each other. I mean, I think happiness is overrated and all, but who doesn't smile in their wedding picture? Everyone else on the page that I scanned this off of is smiling despite their obesity or financial insecurity. Anyway, my guess is that the guy "Zebulin," (wtf?) rides a motorcycle that isn't a Harley. Like, some old Honda but he tries to rally it down the street and be loud and hardcore. But everyone is just like, "What a dipshit, I hope he crashes. How un-hardcore."
And then his woman is all like, "I'm vacant...and stuff." And then Zebby interrupts to say, "I can't close my mouth. Ever." And then Joanna says, "Everybody knows about your mouth problem. Why don't you ever let me say anything?" And he's like, "What you wanna say, woman?" Then there's this really awkward silence before she says, "Today I washed the car." And then you say, "Hey, good for you, sounds like a big day." Just to encourage her because you feel bad that her inner monologue is made up of 95% white noise. Then the Zebster says, "She washes the car everyday because she can't get a job. She doesn't even know how to drive and I take my motorcycle everywhere, so the car never even gets dirty." And then she kind of looks down at her feet all solemnly and he gets distracted by a shiney object or possibly a squirrel and absently wonders off. Then I start jump-kicking shit really hard and it's just another normal day for everyone involved.
Here's some bonus pictures I manipulated for you.
Wedding I Didn't Go To Final Grade: F-
Oh my god! Bonus pictures!
Not Sure
A Hot Pregnant Lady I Saw at Albertson's a While Ago
Piece of Candy I Stepped On While On my Way to The Bathroom to Masturbate
Mr. Meowmers
Some Wedding I Didn't Go To
Pickled Gooseberries
Signs
Colgate Toothpaste Tube
Earwigs
Mold Next to my Sink