Analytical Dissections of the Critically Malnourished
This weeks review: Mr. Meowmers
While walking to the market for beer late one night, an awesome cat began following us and a bigger cat was following it. The bigger cat kept trying to start shit with the small one, so we picked up the underdog and carried it home. We named it Mr. Meowmers, even though a gender check revealed it was a female. Mr. Meowmers was awesome. She purred a lot and had little enough self-esteem that she would never run away or talk shit, not like most girls that find their way to our house. After a few hours we decided it would be best to walk her home because she had a collar and would obviously be missed. She followed me intently, then the big cat tried to start a fight with her again so I scared it away, and a couple blocks later, the bitch started following some skater kids! I felt pissed off and betrayed, but she was young so I can forgive her for her slutiness, I think. I wonder if cats get STDs? If they do, she would be liable. Poor thing. Probably just because her parents were negligent. If female cats are fixed can they still get done by males? I know males are mostly drawn to the cunt pheremones, but it seems like if they were really bored they could still do their business. I need to make friend with a vet so I can figure this shit out. Anyway....
Mr. Meowmers Final Grade: C+
Scanning a living, sober cat is hard work, but here are my best attempts....
YE OLDEN REVIEWS
A Hot Pregnant Lady I Saw at Albertson's a While Ago
Piece of Candy I Stepped On While On my Way to The Bathroom to Masturbate
Mr. Meowmers
Some Wedding I Didn't Go To
Pickled Gooseberries
Signs
Colgate Toothpaste Tube
Earwigs
Mold Next to my Sink