JW's ugly, fucked up finger

Fuck this. JW took a break from getting high long enough to blow some glass pipes, like most of the other hippies in Eugene, and someone fell against the wall on the side of the garage he was working in. This caused the ventilation fan to fall from it's perch in the window and crash down on JW's work table, startling him and making him run his finger through the torch as it produced flames hot enough to melt pyrex. I was on my way out the door and didn't really give a shit because I wasn't involved, but catching up with him several days later provided us with something quite the opposite of money. Ugh. Just look at that thing. It's like his finger grew a balloon full of cottage cheese. You may be wondering about the lame "Brian is Awesome" thing with all the stars in every picture. The deal is pretty much that we used my brother's digital camera to take pics of JW's finger. And my brother is named Brian. We call him "Byro" though because that name is so much monier (money-er). Long story short, we pissed him off and to get him to send us the pictures at all entailed his shameless self-promotion. Here's the email he sent with the pics for reference. Ass.

Hey guys,
Here are the best pictures from your photo shoot. Also, you may notice that each of the pictures says "Brian is AWESOME!" in a place that does not interfere with the subject matter of the picture, though is impossible to crop out or remove. I also took the liberty of surrounding this statement with stars, so as to discourage you from getting smartassy and inserting a "^not" or something like that. If you try to mess with it, it will only further clutter the picture and it will be quite clear that whatever you add was not part of the original message. I added "Brian is AWESOME!!!" so that you have a way to show your readers how much you appreciate me letting you use my camera, and also so that you have a way to show your readers how sorry you are for changing my screen name to "Penis Pirate (cum guzzler)" and sending messages to the girl I am dating while impersonating me.

Yours truly,
Penis Pirate

Anyway, a couple days after these were taken, we were out drinking with some soccer moms and JW's finger fucking POPPED at the table. I noticed something wet around but didn't know what it was until he told me later. Apparently he managed to pop this sac of God-knows-what and get it on the table, the check, his pantleg, mostly everywhere. I was kind of relieved, because honestly, if that happened to me, I don't think I could sleep. I would have cut off the entire hand before that thing had a chance to pop. It's bulbous. It's like a maggot the size of two thumbs. If there is a God, and he has a plan like my mom always said, that could NOT be part of it. Chills down my spine, every time. Unfortunately, my brother omitted the picture of JW topless on Byro's bed picking his noise with the inflammation, but if you're looking for nightmares, think about that before you crash tonight.