Analytical Dissections of the Critically Malnourished

This Weeks Review: Cooking for Myself

Tonight my brother suggested we go to a local restaruant where each week you can get a decent burger and a pint of any beer they have for $6. It's fucking fabulous, and usually I attend, but as I'd already eaten out on lunch I decided an attempt to prepare my own meal was in order. I rounded up the ingredients for what I guess would be considered gruel. I was aiming for some sort of potato soup, but I didn't have a recipe or anything so there were only so many ways it could have gone. It took me ridiculously long to prepare, but the gray sludge that resulted made it totally not worth it. Some how it reminded me more of grits than potatoes. I cut up some onions and added those, as my friend Adam has stated that adding onions to any normal, low grade food is a good way to provide flavor and perhaps a trace of nutrition. I didn't cut them enough, so they provided the sludge with a most unwelcome stringiness. The butter that followed provided more color than flavor, and at this point it became apparent nothing could salvage this experiment other than watching The Simpsons while I inhaled it, so I did just that. For the sake of concluding an analysis, let's take a closer look:

Cooking for Myself

Potatoes: $1.53
Onions: $1.07
Milk: $2.29
Butter: Stolen from landlord with moderate feelings of remorse
Price I would have paid to avoid being verbally acosted by the senial lady selling baskets outside the grocery store: $1.50
Lameness of standing in one place long enough to cook something: Severe

I'm counting the crazy lady thing as an expenditure because of...nevermind. Just because.

Total: $6.39 plus mixed emotions

Eating Out

Burger and Brew: $6
Tip : $1
Tip if the waitress is hot $2
Anger caused by being unwillingly subjected to stranger's terminally boring conversations concerning school, relationships, or anything other than kung fu, fast guitar playing or stories where somebody gets hurt: Cancelled out by not having to stand up.

Worth the extra $1.61? Yes. Fuck standing.

Cooking for myself final grade: D

I couldn't scan anything involved so I made a picture of Sigourney Weaver if she was an ant, then scanned a piece of bread I found in my room from what I believe was December. I covered it in plastic to protect my lungs and more importantly my scanner, but you get the idea.

YE OLDEN REVIEWS

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Piece of Candy I Stepped On While On my Way to The Bathroom to Masturbate

Mr. Meowmers

Some Wedding I Didn't Go To

Pickled Gooseberries

Signs Colgate Toothpaste Tube

Earwigs

Mold Next to my Sink