HILARIOUS WAYS TO KILL YOURSELF SHOULD YOU EVER ACQUIRE THE NEED

1.
Sit in a chair with a brick and hit yourself in the temple till everything goes black. When they found your body perhaps at first the police would think you were brutally beaten to death, but upon employing a forensic specialist I think they would be able to tell by the rigimortis in your brick swinging arm and the angle it hit your head that you had done it yourself. That's a good way to prove you REALLY wanted it. I think people would be impressed.

2.
Another Possibility: Stand on top of a piece of furniture in a room with really hard ground, holding something blunt yet semi-cylindrical, such as the end off a broom stick. Holding end smallest in diameter against the eye, stiffen body and fall face first off the surface and against the floor. Sure it would go through the eye and into the brain with the whole weight of the body plus gravity driving it, but do you think it would go through the skull? I'm curious, but I don't want to try.

3.
I think this idea might be my favorite. If I ever reach what I consider the end, I think I'd walk around with a big hand gun and a pen in my pocket. I'd eat in restaurants till I had a really shitty waitress. Like, one that's really unpleasant and she screws up your order and everything. Not just like she's having a bad day, cause I'm sympathetic towards such matters, but she's just a really bad person, you can tell. I'd write, "THE SERVICE WAS TERRIBLE." On the napkin, the put the really big hand gun in my mouth and blow the top of my head all over the booth. When they found the napkin caked in my blood and brain tissue, she'd SO get fired. She'd probably have a hard time finding another job with that on her record too. And she'd feel so bad! That would be wicked revenge for poor service.

4.
This is another really excellent option. Wait till someone you know that owns a hot tub goes out of town for a while. Go to their house in their absence and climb in. Turn the temperature all the way up and pull the lid over yourself before taking a hardy swig of potent poison. All sorts of chemicals would do the trick. When they come home from two weeks in the tropics and open up the spa to find 105 degree dead guy stew, they'll be so grossed out! Think about the smell! It would never go away. They'd have to get a new hot tub. Just imagine what all those hours of heat and liquid could do! You could make them so sorry for cutting you off at a four way stop last month, or whatever it was that caused this event. Then you win...