When I grow old, I don't want to hang out with my old wife in a middle class house and get up to pull weeds in the garden at 6 a.m. everyday. Or whatever old people do. No, my plan is much more consistent with my current awesomeness. I want to be at some awards show like the oscars or nobel thing or whatever when I'm really old and win the "Lifetime Achievement Award." I'd stand up modestly surprised but still really well composed then I'd walk to the podium and say something like, "Oh, wow, an award. How unexpected. I guess since you gave me the lifetime achievement award you must think I'm about to die. Well, you know what, assholes? YOU'RE WRONG!" And then I'd rip off my tuxedo and I'd look like this:





I'd start laughing really loud and shooting people with my lasers as they tried to escape the ceremony, tripping over each other and screaming. They'd get trampled by high heels and enscorcherated by my lasers, and if any of them were close, I'd just jump-kick them with my spikey feet. It would seriously rock so hard. They'd probably send in the national guard a little after I had destroyed the entire building, but since my entire body would be bullet proof, all the guys with machine guns would freak out and go home, or get killed by me. There will be a microphone in my head tank linked up to some speakers somewhere so my laughing will overpower even gun fire, which will only intimidate mankind further. My lasers would be hot enough to destroy tanks, making all the ammunition inside explode as well. The laser in my crown provides protection against helicopters, so I'm pretty well covered. I would pretty much rampage forever, except for every so often I'd probably go watch some old movies, because all the new ones will definitely suck by then.

Lets take a closer look: